When Ryan Parker sat down to watch Die Hard this Christmas, he created a viral masterpiece. A writer for The Hollywood Reporter, Parker decided to take it one step further and live-tweet the action on the hashtag #DieHard2017Coverage as though it were real. The result is a fascinating critique of modern newsgathering and proof that Die Hard is not just a fantastic Christmas movie but also just a damn good movie. Saddle up.
Wife and I broke out ‘Die Hard’ because IT IS a Christmas movie. For fun, I’m going to tweet along with the film in accordance with how the actual Nakatomi incident may have been covered on Twitter. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
The copspeak sprinkled throughout the film lends itself to quoting.
Over LAPD scanner now: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza. Officer can be heard screaming someone is turning his car into “Swiss cheese.” #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
The drama builds as just enough information leaks out to indicate a major incident.
LAPD confirms units are headed to Nakatomi Plaza on a report of shots fired. No additional information at this moment. Unclear if employees are in the building. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Source tells me a body was possibly thrown out of Nakatomi Plaza onto a police cruiser. No confirmation from LAPD on what is happening yet. Lot of scanner traffic about possible machine guns. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Just arrived at Nakatomi Plaza. Police are everywhere. I can see at least one window in the building is clearly broken out. Maybe the 12th floor? A cruiser is off to the side. It’s riddled with bullets. Still no official word on what is occurring. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
A hint that we may have a hero on the inside…
More media arriving on scene at Nakatomi Plaza. Police confirm “hostage situation,” but nothing further. Source tells me police may be in contact with someone inside — not a perpetrator. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
The effect of using the breaking-news format adds a disorienting facet to the story.
SWAT tank on scene at Nakatomi Plaza. Are they going in? Media being pushed back. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
NOW: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza. Seems perpetrators are shooting out the lights. We are taking cover. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
OMG. An entire floor just exploded at Nakatomi Plaza. Happened after what seemed like a small missile was fired at SWAT tank. What’s going on?! We are being pushed back further. I’m covered in glass. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
At last, we meet our singlet-clad vigilante.
LAPD confirms SWAT offers injured in firefight, but no fatalities at Nakatomi Plaza. Source tells me huge blast that took out a floor was done by someone on the inside who is likely working WITH police. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Source tells me lead perpetrator may be a man by the name of Hans Gruber. Also hearing the person on the inside helping police is “Roy.” No last name. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Source tells me person on the inside of Nakatomi Plaza helping police is John McClane. Was calling himself “Roy.” He may be a NYPD officer. Trying to confirm. Unclear why he’s in building. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
This is interesting. While the film gives only light weight to the double-talk demands of the hostage-takers, foreshadowing a plot twist, media must take breaking news at face value and report what they know.
LAPD confirms Gruber wants “brothers in arms” released from various prisons around the world in exchange for hostages at Nakatomi Plaza. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
FBI has arrived on scene at Nakatomi Plaza. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Waiting for another official update from here at Nakatomi Plaza. Source tells me John McClane is a NYPD officer, but has family here in L.A., which would explain why he was in the building. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Power was just cut at Nakatomi Plaza. LAPD referring all questions to FBI now. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Parker goes quiet when the FBI takes over, indicating the flow of information has been choked. When he returns to quoting the LAPD, the tap is back on and the information seems more detailed, and thus reliable. It’s a faithful retelling of the good cop / bumbling FBI cop paradigm in this stage of the film.
FBI mum on what is happening, but LAPD source tells me they are bringing a fully armed helicopter in at Nakatomi Plaza. Still no official word on this John McClane person #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Two FBI helicopters have arrived on scene here at Nakatomi Plaza. No idea what the plan is. My LAPD contacts are pissed. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Our hero saves the day, and his hot wife.
OMG. The roof of the Nakatomi Plaza just exploded. One of the FBI helicopters was taken out in the explosion. Police are in shock here on the ground. This is madness. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
FBI confirms it has suffered fatalities this evening, but no word on exact numbers. Source confirms to me NYPD officer John McClane is in fact helping from the inside. “He’s turned the tide.” #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Geronimo.
Someone just fell from the 29th floor of the Nakatomi Plaza. Unclear who it was, but LAPD telling me situation is over here. Hostages exiting the building now. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
The drama over, our intrepid reporter goes in for a closer look. He doesn’t know there’s a third act.
Going in for a closer look and to hopefully interview McClane. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
OMG. I am shaking. Just as I got to McClane and his wife for a question, one final perpetrator pulled a gun. Thank goodness a LAPD officer acted quickly and took him out. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
Thanks for adding a new way to watch a classic movie, Ryan Parker. Merry Christmas!
As far as I can tell, everything seems to be well in hand here at Nakatomi Plaza. I am leaving the scene to go into the office and file my story. Happy holidays, all. #diehard2017coverage
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) December 22, 2017
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